Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
