dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
