somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
