mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
