a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't deserve a penis
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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