Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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