I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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