If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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