Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
