new low.... made out with someone while peeing
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
