shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
