problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
two words...techno handjob
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
