I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
