a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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