Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
