I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
