shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
