I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize