i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
