i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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