i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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