Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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