Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
