the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
