One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
