Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
