this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
