i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
