She's JV to your varsity
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
