Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
