I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
