It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize