I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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