Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
