Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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