I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
