The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
