just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
