I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
