There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
