Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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