You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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