I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
