I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
