I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
