Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
