my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
