i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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