How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want her autograph on my taint
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
