i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
