So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
