The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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