I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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