i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
