Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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