last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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