Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
