thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
