It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
