just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize