Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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