I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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