a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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