Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
