my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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