So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
