mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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