im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
