Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
