I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
