I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
