You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
