There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
