He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
