she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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