Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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