is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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