.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
