umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The best revenge is premature balding
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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