so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
