Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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