ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
