I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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