You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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