just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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