the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
