Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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