Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize