My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
