She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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