This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
