Heybabeimwearingurpanties
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
