...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
