well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
