just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
