I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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