Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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