I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
