I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
