I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
