ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
