This house was built for laser tag.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize