my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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