Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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