My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
