Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
