there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
