Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
